My good intentions were lead astray

Stairs to nowhere, Llandudno

I’ve had a funny old week.


I’m not quite sure where it went. True, I did spend three days of it training to be a workplace manual handling assessor (and I learnt some good tips and tricks to preserve my skeleton) but as to the rest of it, I don’t know.

The course facilitators were telling us it takes 21 days to make a habit. I thought it was a bit more than that, but more crucially, I’ve realised that this has been a week when habits have slipped, and maybe that’s why I’m feeling somewhat detached right now. For the past few weeks I’ve felt grounded and alive and present like I haven’t for a long time, but this past week something seems to have slipped slightly, and I’m finding myself sluggish and lacking vitality.

That happy, zingy feeling I was enjoying waking up to seems to have slunk off somewhere.

I know I’ve missed a few days taking my wonderful B Vitamins, and I made a point of buying some more in the supermarket this morning. I wasn’t sure they were that effective, but the slump that’s following their absence is noticeable.

I haven’t been as organised this week. My lists have been a bit half-hearted and I don’t feel like I accomplished much. This is partly, I believe, due to my routine being disrupted by the training course – although, ironically, I actually had a proper 9-5 routine for three days, instead of silly all-over-the-place shifts. Anyway, today I have helped my son clear his list, so something has been achieved.

I haven’t really done any meditation, either. I try to remain mindful as much as I can, but it’s funny, there are a few daydreams that insist on niggling their way back into my consciousness. I want to shout, ‘Emma! Will you STOP thinking that!’ but then I remember that I have to be kind to myself. The Guardian gave away a little book about meditation yesterday as part of their Start Happy campaign; I intend to read it later, and check out some of the recipes and videos on the site, too.

My dreams have been weird, too. I did have some cheese on toast in bed the other night, and then woke up exhausted, like I’d lived another whole life while I was sleeping. Do you ever get ‘cheese dreams?’

On a positive note, I have been to the beach (although it was a week ago) and bought some khaki trousers and a turquoise cardigan, and kept my book list up-to-date (I’ve read at least six books this year so far – is that normal?) so my resolutions continue to have an impact on my life.

Right. I need to go and shake myself, I think.

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  1. I remember coming here first during reverb10, when I was feeling painfully scattered myself. For me too, this has been a week of realizing that “be kind to yourself” is a mantra by which to live. I hope you hit your happy stride again soon – until then, your words remain insightful, relatable, and in their way, inspiring.

    • It’s hard, sometimes, isn’t it, when you feel like you’ve lost your stride. Up until now it seemed like I was starting to reap some small but tangible benefits from my efforts and then BAM! the door has slammed on my balance and inspiration.
      And I know this is all part of the process, another necessary detour on the journey – the part where I have to stop and remind myself that it’s all an ongoing work in progress and that nobody ever learnt anything from coasting along, but feeling antsy like this annoys me so much!

      Thank you for your kind words.

  2. Deb

     /  January 23, 2011

    Oooh, is the link for the free book still there? I cant find it


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