Reverb10 – Dec 19 – Healing

What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011?

(Author: Leoni Allan)

 

 

Anger is incredibly destructive. It’s one of those feelings that gathers its speed and grows exponentially, like a snowball pushed downhill: in a short space of time something small and ostensibly manageable has expanded into a dangerous and uncontrollable force which has the potential to squash everything in its path.

And do you know what my own personal bugbear with anger is? It’s that the negative energy you expend on anger leaks out and spoils everything else. One minute you’re angry with the bus driver who wouldn’t let you off at the corner of your street, and the next you’re having a ‘completely hideous day’ because ‘nothing ever goes right for you.

It can take a lot of strength to step back from the victim mentality that anger spawns, a lot of positive energy to neutralise all that negativity. I know, because I’ve done it.

The old saying is true – anger really can eat you up. What the adage doesn’t mention is that anger spits out the indigestible bits in a mangled, chewed up heap: things came to a head when I realised that the anger I was harbouring – towards a variety of factors, both intrinsic and extrinsic – was turning me into someone I neither liked nor recognised.

The long and inevitably arduous process of ditching the anger started with me digging deep for a bit of compassion when day-to-day things like the afore-mentioned bus driver, or the over-ebullient schoolchildren riding on said bus royally pissed me off. I had to remind myself that there were a myriad of reasons why these annoying things were happening around me, but the likelihood that they were actually anything to do with me was quite slim.

Another thing that helped me was treating anger like it has a physical presence
. I imagine it like a heavy cardboard box. When something happens that cheeses me off, I imagine that I’m being given that heavy box to hold. I don’t want to be weighed down with the box, so mentally I just say, ‘No, thank you,’ and refuse to take the box. It’s all part and parcel of choosing your battles, of being selective about which parts of other people’s feelings and issues and hidden agendas you’re ready to shoulder the weight of. When I’m having one of those internal spats with myself then I imagine that it’s my emotions who are passing that box my way. Again, I say, ‘No.’

Am I healed? Well, not quite. I suspect it’s going to be a lengthy process, and I’m Aries – in fact I’m pretty much a textbook fire sign, if you know about that kind of thing – and I know that inevitably I’ll blow my top at some point. To be honest, I’m not sure a serene and beatific saint is the kind of person I’m trying to become; in fact, the idea is making me giggle a little – I can see myself sitting cross-legged on a cushion with downcast eyes and a reverent smile on my lips! Which isn’t really me, is it?

As for next year, well, I think I’m just going to keep plodding on with this one, really. I’m not sure ‘healing’ is something that can ever be fully realised – to me it seems more like a destination to keep aiming for, and not a finite task to complete by a set date.

 

Also, I’m inclined to think that if we ever achieved ‘fully healed’ status, then maybe we’d lose the battle scars – inside and out – that remind us of where we’ve been and what we went through to get to where we are today.

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9 Comments

  1. spacecitypaula

     /  December 19, 2010

    A very timely piece for me. Thank you for writing this.

    Reply
  2. I’m loving the box analogy….might have to borrow that 🙂

    Reply
    • Thank you! I have a number of analogies I seem to trot out- shoes and armchairs as analogies for relationships are my other two favourites’

      Reply
  3. I totally agree with all you said in this.

    I read a book called The secret a while ago. I still pick it up from time to time and just read little bits of it.

    I hate the days where I start feeling low and then all the shit piles up. Some days it beats me, I get angry at it but generally that just adds to it so eventually I just calm it all down and go “Right…positive energy” 🙂

    Reply
    • I keep meaning to read that book. I’ve been reading a good one on mindfulness – the Mindful Manifesto -which I’ve found very interesting and also extremely user-friendly.

      Reply
  4. Rainbow

     /  December 22, 2010

    shoes and armchairs?

    Reply
  1. Healing Anger

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